February 19, 2017

One of the hardest days of my life, yet also one of the best. While I was there physically, mentally and emotionally I was in an anxiety, grief ridden fog.

The love felt on that day was immeasurable. The different worlds of people who came together is something I will cherish every single day. I can look at pictures from that day and see my parents and cousins standing next to my work colleagues, Quinlan’s neurologist from Boston Children’s Hospital next to my grandparents and their close friends, parents and siblings of my best friends conversing with Quinlan’s nurses, therapists, and doctors, my brothers friends standing next to Bears family, friends, and work colleagues. Friends and family coming from all over.

Worlds united

It is still one of the most surreal moments in my life. Every one of those people came together for us, because of Quinlan.

In so many ways I wish I could relive that day over and over again, to feel the support and love of everyone together in one room. At the same time, the reason behind that day is something I wish had never happened.

So many pictures of the sweetest boy

We celebrated the life of Quinlan. We wore bright colors and Superman attire because he was a true superhero. It may not be how others would choose to honor their child, but it felt right for us.

We cried and hugged. We said “thank you for coming”. We didn’t know how to act or what else to say because how are you supposed to know the proper etiquette for your two year old child’s memorial service.

After it was over, we went to a place we’ve frequented often. We played pool, played cards, drank beers, and we had a good time. How is it that bringing people together to celebrate a life that is no longer with us, can also bring some happy and unforgettable times? I was finally able to breath a little that day. I had my people with me, not the entire 200 that were with us earlier, but a handful of my people who I could let down my guard with, let the anxiety lift a bit, and slowly step out of the fog (although I’m not sure you could convince me it will ever fully lift).

A day with so many emotions, ups, downs, and everything in between. A day I will never forget and yet wish never had to happen. A day that was all for Quinlan and his amazing, magical life.

💚Mama Bear

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