Today’s the day for a new year

Happy New Year! Out with 2018 and in with 2019! For the first time in years, I can’t actually say that I’m glad to see the year end. Lots happened this year and for the first time in a while, it’s been mostly good happenings for our family. It’s been nice bringing something to look forward to to those around us. Of course nothing will ever be good ALL the time, but even just SOME of the time is a win.

Here is a mini Bear family year in review:

January – started IVF. Lots of shots (not the good kind that come in a mini glass, unfortunately), meds, and hormones. The first anniversary of Q’s passing was the end of the month, but having the IVF to focus on was a helpful distraction. Hoping year two’s anniversary will also come and go the same way. It’s hard enough living with his loss every day, if I can focus on other things every January 30th I’d much rather do that. We’ll see how this year goes.

February – continued the IVF process with my egg retrieval. Went as good as can be expected (minus the nerves of having anesthesia, plus hormones, plus having no idea if it will work). Needless to say, we got good results! The rest of February was spent waiting, and waiting, and waiting. IVF is one big waiting game!

March – the embryo transfer. Embryo got placed, and then more waiting.

April – I’m pregnant! It worked! Now to make sure all goes as planned and the pregnancy is healthy (more waiting). Oh and we decided to throw in a move to the mix. If I haven’t said it before, move when you’re newly pregnant because then you don’t have to lift a finger. Pregnant wife – 1, Husband – 0.

May/June/July – yup, definitely pregnant! The constant nausea/feeling of being hung-over/car sick every day tells me so. But then, the baby started kicking and it makes it so real. Holy moly, I’m growing another human (just make sure I was fed every hour and I was tolerable).

August – celebrated Q’s 4th birthday with lots of family and friends. For being another one of “those days” on the calendar, we really try to make it a positive one, with celebrations instead of sadness (crying is still allowed, of course). More balloons, cupcakes, and memories of Q with those who love him so much. This past August also brought lots of vacation time, hubby’s birthday, and a trip to Foxwoods (although we’re still not billionaires. Bummer).

September/October/November – I continued to expand (physically), grow more and more uncomfortable, get kicked from the inside, and feel this amazing little boy grow. Football, holidays, and more waiting ensued.

December – I had a baby! Another sweet boy with dark eyes, brown hair, and the most kissable face made his appearance. Following in his big brothers footsteps, he came about 2 weeks early and made his presence known. To say we were overwhelmed when we heard his cry for the first time is an understatement. To know that he didn’t have tight muscles or need an MRI at 24 hours old was a feeling I can’t describe. Being able to actually stay in one hospital for the allotted amount of time that we were supposed to, we fantastic. He is perfect. He looks so much like his big brother, but with his own personality and facial expressions. Many people (including myself and my husband) have gone to call him “Quinlan”. The reaction, for me at least, isn’t sad or mad at how could you do that, but more of pride and happiness at doing something that “normal” siblings have happen to them.  My mom would call out all of our names before finally calling us by the right one. That’s what you do with siblings, especially two brothers who look so similar to each other. Our new baby bear has big shoes to fill, but also his own path to create. We are just so over the moon that he has chosen us as his parents and that he’s here to bring so many smiles to so many faces, and he doesn’t even know it yet.

So yes, it’s been quite a year. One that has the ebbs and flows of life. The waves of grief that will continue to come and go for the rest of our lives. But for now, I’m embracing the sleepless nights, the stinky diapers, and the cuddles that come with newborns. And if that’s what the rest of 2019 brings, I’ll gladly take it!

💚Mama Bear

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