Happy Valentine’s Day….blah blah blah. Am I the only one who’s not really into this holiday? Dare I say it sucks. I’m married to such a romantic, kind-hearted man. I got a valentine from the best niece and nephew ever. And there was chocolate on my desk from my overly sweet coworker. So why would today suck?
I woke up feeling sad. Which isn’t totally uncommon but not really a norm that happens every day for me. I did my normal morning routine, running late of course, then hopped in my car (forgetting I needed gas), stopped at the gas station then again, hopped in my car and headed to work. And cried. Just a sad cry. Not angry or grief stricken. Just sad.
Let me reiterate something first. I love my husband. This whole sad/sucky feeling has absolutely nothing to do with him. When I say he is one of the most romantic people out there, it’s the truth. He will do anything he can to surprise me. I’m not one who likes to be surprised, but he does it in a way that doesn’t make me want to kill him for doing it. Little surprises or big, he’s all about surprises. When I turned 30, he was going to “take me out to dinner”. He wanted to “stop by to say hi to a friend who was grabbing a drink at the local Elks function hall” (who does that?! I should have known at that point that something was fishy, but me being as oblivious as I can be, had no idea). Turns out it was (surprise surprise) a surprise party with all of our friends and family. Not only that, but he then proposed, in front of everybody. The man is always up for a good surprise! If I ever mention wanting something, even just in passing, he always remembers and at the next holiday, if not sooner, will have it for me. He puts so much thought into every gift he gives. Even if it’s just a card. He’s that guy standing in the card aisle reading every single card until he finds the perfect one for the occasion.
My favorite Valentine’s Day so far was 4 years ago. I was newly pregnant, in that early stage of feeling bloated and gross, and I felt like nothing fit properly. Our Valentine’s Day date consisted of going to the mall and him buying me my first pair of maternity pants. They were the most comfortable things I had ever owned, so he bought two. After buying pants that I probably didn’t even need to wear for a few weeks, but don’t ever disagree with a pregnant woman, we stopped at Popeye’s for dinner (gotta love those biscuits). It was the most perfect Valentine’s Day for a newly, hormonal, mama-to-be.
He truly is the ultimate valentine and I am really quite lucky that after 10 Valentine’s Days together, our 11th will most likely still consist of getting take out, watching a movie and being 100% content doing so.
So, needless to say, this sad/sucky feeling has to do with the other love of my life. I’m lucky enough to have two: the one I chose, and the one I created. The one I chose is here by my side, but the one I created is not. On this day when love is all around, hearts are everywhere, and the words “I love you” are floating through the air, the one person I really want to say it to isn’t here.
That’s what sucks.
I know I’m not the only one missing a loved one on a day like today (and all of the other 364 days of the year). My Bumpa’s birthday was yesterday, a day spent with family and making his favorite cake (attempt #2 this year of making a cake, not quite as good as the original, but still edible). Another loved one missed so much.
So today, I say we all have a couple extra pieces of chocolate, maybe a glass of wine, and if you want to watch anything but a sappy movie, feel free. Maybe stop by a Popeye’s for a really good biscuit.
And please, say “I love you”, give an extra long hug, and don’t take for granted your loved ones. Especially those loves of your life that you created. (As I’m typing these words, it is being reported that at least 15 people have been killed in a school shooting. Please don’t take these words lightly. Extra hugs and “I love you’s” are needed on a day like today.)