Today’s the day you’re not alone

Round one of shots…done. First egg retrieval…done. Two weeks of shooting hormones into my belly turned pin cushion are over. And hopefully not many people noticed the emotional/hormonal/one minute I love you the next minute I hate you feelings I had been expressing. Apologies if you experienced that (Bear).

It was…interesting, and if I have to do it again, I will definitely know better what to expect. It is way more mental then I thought it would be. By this I don’t mean that I hated every minute of it, but when you think you have just one more day of injecting hormones, and then you end up having a few more days because your follicles just aren’t ripe enough, it does kinda get to you. It is by far not the worst thing I’ve ever experienced, I will put that out there. And yes, I would absolutely do it again if I have to. The shots hurt way less then I imagined. And the egg retrieval itself was definitely not as nerve wracking as I was anticipating (even as the nurse in the operating room was rubbing my forehead saying “Now, she’s a bit anxious”. I clearly don’t hide my anxiety very well). But I got through it. This new adventure is no where near over, many hurdles are still to come, be cleared (and to be tripped over) but my first round of stims and egg retrieval I can now say are done (bring on the wine).

Throughout this new IVF world we’ve joined, I’ve been able to meet some new mama’s who have gone through very similar IVF journeys. In fact, similar to immersing myself into the world o’antidepressants and anxiety meds, once I put out there that I would be going through IVF, women who also went/are going through IVF started coming out of the woodwork. Some I knew had gone through it, some I had no idea. But all offered nothing but support and assurance that while it will be tough, it will be worth it. Bring it on.

Now a PSA from MB (Mama Bear). I know we’re all individuals. We all go down very different paths in life. But something I have learned from all of the experiences over the last couple years, especially this new journey recently, is something that can be truly life changing and I wanted to put it out there for all of you. Hopefully you all already know this but it sometimes helps to hear it again. You are not alone. There is someone out there who is going through something very similar or even exact to what you are going through no matter what it is.

Someone who has heard of the Brat1 mutation because their son has it – found them. Someone whose child has spent month and months in the hospital, and in fact has stayed in the same bed space as our child at one point – know them. Someone who is literally giving themselves shots in their pin cushion of a belly the same exact night you are – vented to them. Someone who likes to drink wine while waiting (because there is a lot of waiting involved with IVF) – learned from them.

And that is just a handful of those I’ve met.

Most (but not all) of the time you have to put yourself out there to find that person, but they are there. For some, I know this can be the hardest part to do. Some don’t like having their life out there for everyone to know about, read about, talk about, especially something as personal as their children. I completely understand that. Lucky (or unlucky, depending on how much you enjoy reading all about my life) for all of you, I’m pretty much an open book. I’ve never been one to hide what I’m going through or experiencing, and as a result, I’ve found a pretty great support system. One that spans from from friends and family, to women I’ve never met but have seen the words they type online. Words that I understand more then I ever thought I would. Words that I’ve needed to hear at certain times and have helped me realize I am not alone either.

So to you all who have gone through something that you never thought you would, something you thought no one else would understand, or something you haven’t felt ok sharing with others…know that you will find someone, somehow who will understand.

It’s quite a crazy, messed up world but if we know that there are others out there just as crazy and messed up as us, it helps.

PS – Remember the bulbs I received straight from Holland? I had my first beauty of a tulip pop up this morning. I’m in love!

~ Tulips, and windmills, and Rembrandts ~


💚Mama Bear

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